3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
