I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize