Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
