Screwed.edu
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
