piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
