The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Found the puke drawer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
