wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
