It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't notice because vodka
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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