Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
