In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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