I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dignity is for republicans.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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