You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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