Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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