Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize