my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
