Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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