Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
whose ass print is on the piano?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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