Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
