i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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