Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
