i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
