ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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