I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
