I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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