are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
