he wants to bone in the snuggie
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
