Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
