Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
