physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You can't just leave with hair like that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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