dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
