I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
They are going to name an STD after you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
