need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
