her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize