Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
