She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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