Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cut my penus on the lid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
