What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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