This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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