is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize