I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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