You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
