This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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