brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
