I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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