Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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