I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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