The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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