Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
