I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
