I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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