I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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