PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
