How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize