It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
