if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
