So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize