She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
