so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
