HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
