I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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