where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize