i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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