from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
