where am i from again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
