Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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