I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
