i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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