This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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