; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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