If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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