Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
