Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
