You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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