just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
