Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
