The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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