alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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