Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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