Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
