You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
