We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
