ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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