Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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