they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
