Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
