I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize