I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
