I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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