i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Houston, we have a squirter
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
