I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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