I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
