I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
