my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
