my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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