My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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