my shit smells like andre
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
