this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize