atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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