positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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