Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
