i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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